The Hidden Scripts Running Your Life (And How to Rewrite Them)
Design The Future You Want
Let’s talk about personal transformation. What if I told you that the real reason you feel stuck has nothing to do with willpower?
Most of us start the year with a plan for change, but by February, we’re back in the same patterns. It’s not because we’re lazy or unmotivated—it’s because we’re running on an old script we didn’t even choose.
Have you ever felt as though you’re living according to a script written by others, rather than following your own true path?
Let me tell you my story.
At the beginning of my adult life, I spent years deeply committed to working as a pastor. A role that—while outwardly commendable—didn’t align with my authentic self. At least not in the way I was playing it. I was following a path that felt predestined—built on family history, expectations, and the hopes of others. Deep down, I believed that being who others wanted me to be mattered more than being true to myself. Ten years in, I was sitting on the edge of a borrowed bed in a house that wasn’t mine, the air thick with the weight of choices I didn’t remember making. My hands shook, my breath shallowed, my mind raced—I was careening into another panic attack. After years of trying to be what everyone else needed me to be, I was on the edge of divorce, unraveling, having no idea who I was anymore, and wondering where it had all gone wrong. It took a long and winding journey through loss, anxiety, and a lot of introspection for me to summon the courage to take the author’s pen into my own hands and begin writing a new life script—one that tells the story of purpose and an authentic life.
What is a Life Script?
The concept of “Life Scripts” comes from psychologist Eric Berne’s work in Transactional Analysis. Decisions we make in childhood are shaped by the messages or “stories” we receive from parents, caregivers, teachers, classmates, friends, and culture. This happens at an unconscious, or at best pre-conscious, level, and we don’t realize that we have been influenced by them. Yet they can shape our behaviors, emotions, and relationships throughout our lives, manifesting in various ways. Some propel us to unimaginable heights. For instance:
“I Am Unconditionally Loved.” This affirmation instills a deep sense of self-worth and belonging. Believing that one is inherently lovable can lead to healthy relationships, emotional Resilience, and a strong sense of self-esteem.
“I can do anything.” This message encourages a growth mindset, instilling the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. It can lead to increased motivation, a willingness to take risks, ambition, and a proactive approach to personal and professional development.
While others can limit our potential and hinder authentic living.
“Never ask for help.” Not because you don’t need it, but because you learned a long time ago that needing people is dangerous. You’re left with a pervasive sense of mistrust, keeping others at a distance and struggling to form close relationships.
“Say yes to everything, even when you’re drowning.” You were taught that your worth is tied to what you can give. You prioritize others over yourself—until quiet resentment builds toward the very people you want to love.
Which scripts are empowering us to live courageously and authentically? And which ones are quietly sabotaging our decisions? Recognizing this is the first step toward crafting a new story for our lives. On the other hand, living an unexamined life can lead to a sense of stagnation, as we may unknowingly adhere to outdated or unhelpful narratives that no longer serve us. This lack of self-reflection can result in missed opportunities for purpose, connection, and satisfaction.
Practical Steps to Rewriting Your Life Script
Self-Reflection: Consider the recurring patterns in your life. What beliefs might be driving these behaviors?
Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Question whether these beliefs truly serve your growth and well-being.
Create a New Narrative: Develop empowering beliefs that align with your authentic desires and goals.
Implement and Reinforce: Practice new behaviors that support your revised narrative and seek out environments that encourage these positive changes.
Embracing Your Transformation
Embarking on this journey requires courage and self-compassion. Remember, you are the hero of your own story, capable of redefining your path and embracing the life you truly desire. The pen is in your hands. Embrace the opportunity to author your own story.
Ready to take the next step towards designing a life you love? Here are a few ways I can support you:
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Your story isn’t finished yet. Keep going. — Robert
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